I just came across this text while I was tidying up my computer, thought some of you might enjoy it...

Rules For Clear Writing

# Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
# Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
# And don �t start a sentence with a conjunction.
# It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
# Avoid clich�s like the plague. (They �re old hat.)
# Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
# Be more or less specific.
# Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
# Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
# No sentence fragments.
# Contractions aren �t necessary and shouldn �t be used.
# Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
# Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it �s highly superfluous.
# One should never generalize.
# Comparisons are as bad as clich�s.
# Don �t use no double negatives.
# One-word sentences? Eliminate.
# Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
# The passive voice is to be ignored.
# Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
# Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
# Do not use multiple exclamation points NOR all caps for emphasis!!!
# Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
# Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
# Use the apostrophe in it �s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
# Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
# If you �ve heard it once, you �ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
# Puns are for children, not groan readers.
# Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
# Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
# Who needs rhetorical questions?
# Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
# The passive voice should never be used.
# Do not put statements in the negative form.
# A writer must not shift your point of view.
# Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
# Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
# If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
# Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
# Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
# Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
# Always pick on the correct idiom.
# The adverb always follows the verb.
# Be careful to use the rite homonym.
# And last...
# Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.