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Ask for help > improving a student īs poems
improving a student īs poems
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gharbi2009
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improving a student īs poems
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Dear colleagues, A student asked me to proofread these two poems, can you help me, please? Inflated clauses marinated with an unconceivable ridicule
I never signed up to any of this
I � m just a machine that īs meant to reproduce
Rusty , decaying machine
Morbund , tepid machine
Not so well molded machine
Hold on .
Do machines get cancer ? Because i can īt catch the drip of you
Teptoeing around the walls of my temple of what īs left of my temple Sucking in every spec of alacrity
You come across
Like a morbind monk. second poem: I feel like the word shatter Pick up the morsels
Frost them up
Serve me on a platter
For the passing to look at
Torment
And for the locals to devour .
You can go a long way bribing hicks with candy
But you cant bribe your way into heaven , sadly, . |
3 Jul 2018
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cunliffe
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Ooh now then, it īs difficult with poetry, because quite often the ideas are obscure and the meaning difficult to decipher and it īs acceptable to be ungrammatical īpoetic licence �. I really like the near rhymes (candy, sadly). I think it īs moribund, not morbund. Tiptoeing, not tetoeing. Speck, not spec, unless that spec is short for specification and it may well be. |
5 Jul 2018
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yanogator
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Lynne, I see "morbind" at the end of the first poem, which should be "morbid", so maybe that "morbund" earlier was also supposed to be "morbid". You could be right about "moribund", too. Bruce |
5 Jul 2018
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redcamarocruiser
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unconceivable should be inconceivable never signed up FOR (not TO) This poet-student should be encouraged. He shows talent. |
7 Jul 2018
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