Callithumpian!
For those of you who are literature buffs, like me,
you will be well-acquainted with “Pride
and Prejudice”, by Jane Austen.
However, I took the trouble to read the Original
Version, which was called “How to Lose Friends and Irritate People!”
by Plain Ferrari. (Her actual Stage
Name was Wells Fargo, but she
preferred to write under a pseudonym, because it was more secluded and much cooler
there.)
The original novel is actually much better than the
one we know now.
For the first three pages, Mrs. Bennett complained non-stop, until she developed a wart on her
nose. For the rest of the novel she feared someone would notice the wart, and
laugh at her. To avoid this, she was constantly nice to everyone, and gave them
a gift of nine pennies.
However, the Publishers demanded that the author
re-write the story, with Mrs. Bennet a garrulous, complaining, gossiping
harridan, prone to fits of the vapours … “like your average woman!”
In writing this, I am sorry to appear so insulting,
but these are the Publisher’s words,
not mine.
On a historical
note, this is the origin of the saying, ‘As nice as nine-pence.’
There is a sub plot to the romance of Elizabeth
Bennett and Mr. Darcy, which takes place on a sunken ship. (That’s why it’s
called ‘a sub plot’).
The Downstairs Kitchen Maid’s Assistant’s Skivvy, Catherine Thumberstonehaugh, was
re-named by Lord Tom Jones, the Lord
of the Manor. He was jealous of her aristocratic name. “It’s too high-falutin for a
Servant!”
So, ‘Cally
Thump’, (as she was called), is in love with the Lord’s son, The Right
Honourable Sir Ian Ovalguy. And he is
in love with her!
The First Chapter is very appropriately titled: “Chapter
One”.
And it has a sub title, (because it’s ‘on a sunken …’
etc.)
“The Beginning.”
The Chapter ends, when nice Mrs. Bennett introduces
Cally to her future husband, for the very first time. Mrs. Bennett uses that
now-familiar phrase.
“Cally Thump … Ian!”
Unlike “Pride
and Prejudice”, this is a TRUE story.
Les Douglas.
