�What is a Gong?� �What is a Gong
Farmer?�
Please!
Dixford
Ectionary of Onglish.
A �Gong� is, in informal British English:
�A
medal or an award�.
A �Farmer� is, in formal British English:
�A
person who owns or manages a farm�.
Therefore: �A
Gong Farmer is a person who owns or manages a farm, formally, on which medals
or awards are grown, informally�.
QED
That was easy. So, though it�s recondite, I�ll be an eremite,
(or proselyte), and whet your appetite, as I expedite an impolite, bipartite, erudite,
copyright.
Or, to make a
more convoluted commentary, first we�ll have an interpretation; then a clarification;
and finally a simplification.
The first
break-through in organic farming was when a UK hospital gardener threw a packet
of fish fingers onto the garden compost tip.
Imagine his surprise when, later, the fingers had grown a complete hand,
then an arm, and then ... ... Yes! In
only three months the hospital had one
replica of Captain Birdseye!
The doctors
experimented with a wooden leg that was no longer used, (because it had Dutch
Elm disease). The doctors were astounded
to discover that a wood-boring centipede had mated with the leg and ... ...
Yes! In only three weeks the hospital had
hundreds of ambidextrous
legs.
�I know a man
with a wooden leg called Peter.� �Oh,
yes! What�s the other leg called?�
But, of course,
this medical miracle could not be kept quiet for an indefinite infinity. It was not long before �Orfeo in the Unterwelt�
heard about it. Although Orfeo was
British, he and his Turkish wife, Donna Kebab, masqueraded as Italian medical
orderlies. (For example, he knew that
the Italian for �suppository� was �innuendo�.)
Orfeo
experimented in the hospital garden, planting potatoes beside buried razor
blades and ... ... Yes! In only three
days the hospital had thousands
of chipped potatoes.
Orfeo was once
a worthless wastrel who was weak as water.
His wife called him �The Raffia
Mafia�. He toiled daily in the soil,
steeped in a life of grime, searching for the magic money-maker.
One day, he
dropped into the soil his long-service medal from the local �Teenager
Youth Club�, (he was 42-years-old at the time). On it, the medal had a picture of an eagle,
and ... ... Yes! In only three hours
Orfeo had millions of eagle�s
eggs.
He planted these,
and was immediately rewarded with �gongs� - medals, awards, and decorations of
every kind. As our story about �an organ� closes, we realise with a
sense of pride, why �a gong� is
regarded as �a cymbal� of success!
Les
