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Hello! My name is David. I am twelve years old. I am very tall for my age. I have got brown hair and green eyes.
I
live in a small town near London with my parents and my two sisters. We
have got (have got is okay, since your text uses BE spelling) a big house with a beautiful garden. We have got three cats
and a dog. My sisters are older than me but we play together a lot (I think this word order emphasizes what you want to say). My
parents are teachers and work in a school in the centre (you can keep your original version here, there is nothing wrong with it) of town.
I am a good student and I like reading and writing stories but of course I love sports and going out with my friends. (Bill is right, people use "play" here, but you can�t play all sports). (Check this, though)
I also like going on holiday (Bill is right again, no plural) in the summer to other countries. Next August I am going to visit New York with my family.
(I agree with Apodo�s suggestion regarding the last paragraph.)
This is what I would say - using Canadian English.
Hello,
My name is David.
I �m 12 years old. I have brown hair and green eyes. I am very (quite) tall for
my age.
I live in a small
town near London with my parents and my two sisters. We have a big house with a
beautiful garden. We have three cats and a dog. My sisters are older than me
but we play together a lot. My parents are teachers and work in a school in the
center of town.
I am a good student
and I like reading and writing stories. I also love going on holidays in summer.
In August, I �m going to visit
(on a trip to) New York with my family
if I were you I �d follow blunderbuster �s suggestions. There was nothing particularly wrong with your original, just making it sound more fluent. Was it intended to sound as spoken discourse or actually just written discourse - as in a postcard? If it was oral, then you should use abbreviations where possible; otherwise it really is fine as blunderbuster suggests.
