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Message board > Some jokes to call it a day ...
Some jokes to call it a day ...
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aliciapc
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Some jokes to call it a day ...
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A foreign tourist watched a bullfight in Spain, and its popularity. Afterwards, he said to a local,"How amazing that bulls react like that when they see a red cape."
"O no sir," came the reply. "Bulls don �t move a muscle. It �s cows that react to a red cape, sir."
"Then why did the bulls react so violently today?" insisted the foreigner.
"They were annoyed at the man who thought they were cows."
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The science teacher explained to his class that long waves can go round objects but short waves cannot. Seeing blank faces, he picked up his hat, held it in front of his face and asked the nearest pupil, "Can you see my face?"
"No sir."
"Can you hear my voice?"
"Yes sir."
"What does that show?" He hoped for the answer that sound waves are long and light waves short, but the boy retorted hopefully,
"You �re talking through your hat, sir."
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"What �s this I hear, old pal? Your wife �s left you, old man? Well, why don �t you go home and drown your sorrows in booze?"
"Impossible."
"No booze?"
"No sorrow."
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In the middle of the night an old maid telephoned,"Come quickly, there �s a man trying to climb into my bedroom through the window."
"You �ve got the wrong number. This is the fire brigade. Call the police."
"I know what I �m doing. You come at once, d �you hear? His ladder �s too short."
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A teacher was giving her class of small children a lesson on good manners.
"Suppose, by mistake, you step on a lady �s foot. What do you do?"
"I say pardon me."
"Very good. Now suppose the lady, to reward you, gives you a coin. What do you do?"
"Step on the other foot to get a second one."
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A mother admitted to her friend, "I �ve just learnt that I �m too strict with my little son."
"What makes you think that?"
"Yesterday, in the department store, he got lost. The store detective asked his name and he replied �John Don �t-touch-that �." |
8 Mar 2011
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Mar0919
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 Thanks for the laugh, Alicia!!! |
8 Mar 2011
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anaisabel001
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Thanks ,Alicia.
Just one more :
A
couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any
mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The
boys� mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining
children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed,
and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first,
in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The
clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked
him sternly, �Where is God?�
They
boy�s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth
hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. �Where is God?� Again, the
boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice some more and
shook his finger in the boy�s face and bellowed, �Where is God!?�
The
boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his
closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the
closet, he asked, �What happened?�
The
younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, �We are in big trouble this time!
God is missing and they think we did it!�
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8 Mar 2011
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sp.watson
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Another one to raise a smile:
Two old friends were playing golf. On the 14th green just as one old guy was about to take his shot a funeral procession passed by on the road next to the golf course. The old guy paused, stood up straight, removed his hat and bowed his head for a minute. Then he continued with his shot. Afterwards, his golf partner came up to him and said "John, I �m touched, in all the years we �ve been playing golf together I �ve never seen you do that" John replied "Well you have to show the wife a little respect, don �t you!"
Have a good day all. |
8 Mar 2011
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Redbull
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1.Quasimodo returned home after a hard day �s bell-ringing. On arriving indoors he noticed the wok was on the kitchen table. �Oh good, are we having Chinese for dinner? � Quasi asked his wife. �No, � she replied: �I �m going to iron you a shirt. �
2.My sister went to a hairdressers and said:"Make me look like Barbara Streisand." So she hit her over the nose with a hairbrush."
3.Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past, one had a stroke, the other one couldn �t reach.
4. A Yorkshire couple go to the Costa Brava for a holiday, but on arrival, the wife says "I won �t be able to make gravy with your dinner, love - I �ve forgotten the Bisto"
The husband says, "Don �t worry, there �s an English couple staying in the next apartment, I �ll see if they have any"
So he knocks on the door of the next apartment, and says to the man" �Allo, �hast any Bisto"
To which the man replies "Piss off, you Spanish prat!""
5.Man says to his wife: �Pack your bags, I�ve won the pools.�
She says: �What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?�
He says: �We�re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and piss off!
R.I.P
Bernard Manning
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8 Mar 2011
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maryse pey�
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the most wasted day is when you do not laugh. So many thanks of you dear ! |
8 Mar 2011
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LOL!