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Ask for help > Can a native speaker check this text, please?
Can a native speaker check this text, please?
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beefeater
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Can a native speaker check this text, please?
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Could you check this text for me, please? THANKS
The consequences of world of fashion :
The world of fashion is so much complicated. We have negative and positive consequences, but I think the negative consequences are more important than the positive consequences. I think the world of fashion has negative consequences that we must bear in mind.
Firstly, one of the negative consequences of world of fashion is that young people get ill.
For example, the 20% of girls in Andorra suffers from anorexia..
Secondly, the world of fashion is a dictatorship because in the shops you will see just the clothes that are in vogue.
For instance, some people follow the mode because they want to be in or because they like the mode. But the people who have own style and who search, for example, red trousers, won�t found in shops, maybe because red is not the colour of the season.
Another consequence is the ecological and human devastations of the cotton.
Six of seven thicker producers of cotton in the world use the child labour in the cotton fields. In the India the hundreds of thousands of children, whose girls the immense majority, produce "water grains of cotton which industry costs billion dollars" instead of going to the school. They are exposed this way to dangers and diseases.
Finally, I think the world of fashion creates frustration.
The girls want to be like the models but in the reality the girls are very different of models. We haven�t so much money, so many clothes and we haven�t the same body.
To conclude, we don�t need to give so much importance at the body. The most important is to feel well in our body.
�The women who have the exterior beauty use as model, which have only the interior beauty use as examples.� J�r�me Touzain.
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29 Jan 2012
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ascincoquinas
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Hi there!
here is my version:
The consequences of fashion world :
The world of fashion is so complex. We have negative and
positive consequences, but I think the negative consequences are more
important than the positive ones. I think the world of fashion
has negative consequences that we should take into consideration.
Firstly, one of the negative consequences of world of fashion is that young people could get ill.
For example, 20% of the girls in Andorra suffer from anorexia..
Secondly, the world of fashion is a dictatorship because in the shops you only see fashionable clothes.
For
instance, some people follow the fashion world because they want to be part of a group and not seen as outsiders. But people who have their own style and who
search, for example, red trousers, won�t find them in shops, maybe because
red is not season �s colour.
There are other consequences, such as: ecological and human devastations of the cotton.
Six out of seven major producers of cotton in the world use child labour
in the cotton fields. In India, hundreds of thousands of
children - mainly girls- produce "water grains of
cotton for an industry which costs billion of dollars". Instead of going to
school, they are exposed to these dangers and diseases.
Finally, I think the world of fashion can cause fustration among girls mainly.
These girls want to be like top models but in fact their lives are totally different. For instances, one has less money, not such a huge variety of brand clothes and one �s body is not skinny as the top models.
In conclusion, we shouldn �t worry about our body. The most important is to feel good and healthy.
�The women who have the exterior beauty use as model, which have only the interior beauty use as examples.� J�r�me Touzain.
the expressions in red did not understand what you are trying to express... sorry :((
Hope this helps.
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29 Jan 2012
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yanogator
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And here �s my version. I kept as much of your wording as I could. I didn �t correct the English in the quotes, since they are quotes. The consequences of the world of fashion :
The world of fashion is very complicated. We have negative and positive consequences, but I think the negative consequences are more important than the positive consequences. I think the world of fashion has negative consequences that we must bear in mind.
Firstly, one of the negative consequences of world of fashion is that young people get ill. For example, 20% of girls in Andorra suffer from anorexia. Secondly, the world of fashion is a dictatorship because in the shops you will see just the clothes that are in vogue. For instance, some people follow the trends because they want to be in or because they like the style. But the people who have their own style and who look for, red trousers for example, won�t find them in shops, maybe because red is not the colour of the season. Another consequence is the ecological and human devastation of cotton. Six of the seven main producers of cotton in the world use child labour in the cotton fields. In India, hundreds of thousands of children, with girls by far in the majority, produce "water grains of cotton which industry costs billion dollars" instead of going to school. They are exposed this way to dangers and diseases.
Finally, I think the world of fashion creates frustration. The girls want to be like the models but in reality the girls are very different from models. We don �t have so much money, so many clothes and we don �t have have the same body.
To conclude, we don�t need to give so much importance to the body. The most important thing is to feel good about our bodies.
�The women who have the exterior beauty use as model, which have only the interior beauty use as examples.� Bruce |
30 Jan 2012
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beefeater
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Thanks a lot for your help! very helpful and good corrections! thanks for your time
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30 Jan 2012
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