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Love, Marriage and Grammar
Young lovers are fond of using the subjunctive. This is because they are frequently separated. The most typical postcard from one to the other carries the traditional message ‘Having a lovely time. Wish you were here.’ probably, the one who writes it is on holiday with his or her parents. When they say goodnight to each other at he bus stop or the girl’s front door, it is quite natural for them to say:’ I wish you didn’t go home so soon. I wish we could always be together.’
Even unsuccessful lovers can express themselves better in the subjunctive. ‘I wish I were more attractive’, ‘I wish I knew her address, ‘I wish she’d take some notice of me’, ‘If only he’d ring’.
And when they are dreaming about their future, the Subjunctive is the perfect grammatical form for imagining their happiness. There used to be a well-known song that began: “If you were the only girl in the world, And I were the only boy in the world, Nothing else would matter in the world…”
We suppose that, like Adam or Eve, they would live in a garden full of fruit trees. Otherwise, they would be too busy to enjoy their dreams very much!
Once the couples get married, however, the Subjunctive is not a very satisfactory area. To begin with, there are everyday complaints: “I wish you would listen when I’m talking to you”. “I wish you wouldn’t drop your cigarette ash on the carpet”.
When the couple start using the third person and “you” becomes “he” or “she”, this gets worse. By now, they are complaining to their friends: “If only she she’d learn to cook”, “If only he wouldn’t snore! I cannot get to sleep at night”
The Present Subjunctive is bad enough for married couples but the Past is fatal. When two people get used to speaking to each other in the Past Subjunctive, there’s not much hope left for the marriage. “I wish I’d never met you” and “If only I’d listened to my mother” are almost certain to provoke answers like ‘Yes, I wish you’d listen to her too! » and there’s a short step to the divorce court.
The reason for all this is that the Subjunctive is all about what we haven’t got, we never had or we’ll probably never get. And most marriages survive better if the couple think about what they have got now – each other – and make the best of it in the Present Indicative: “I’m so happy with you”, “You look lovely in that dress”, “I don’t care if you don’t earn much money. I love you, anyway”.
