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ESL forum > Grammar and Linguistics > Not sure about the text    

Not sure about the text



MJ_Misa
Czech Republic

Not sure about the text
 
Hello, dear colleagues.
I wrote some text for my ws but before I will upload it, I want to be sure there are no mistakes. Could you, please, have a look at it and let me know if there are any mistakes? (I am sure there will be some). Sorry for bothering you, and thank you very much for your help.Hug

One day last summer, Sandra was listening to the radio. Suddenly she heard some noise and looked out of the window. She saw her neighbour ´s dog Barker. He was chasing her cat, Twinkle. They were running around the garden, throwing earth and plants all over the place. Sandra stood up and started shouting at them but they didn ´t stop. So she ran into the garden. She managed to catch Barker and carried him back to her neighbour but she couldn ´t see him anywhere.

She was curious what is her neighbour doing she she went looking after him. She found him in the kitchen. He was cooking chicken curry and asked Sandra to stay for the dinner. While he was setting the table, she told him what happened in her garden. He was really sorry and promised to put everything in order. Then the dinner was ready and they sat at the table. They were talking about their lives, childhood, and found out they have a lot of things in common.

The next day Patrick (that was the name of Sandra ´s neighbour) came around and started working in her garden. While he was working she prepared some snack. They became really close friends and they are going to get married next week.


Thanks again for your help, Michaela

 


14 May 2010      



Poohbear
Germany

Dear Michaela,

it ´s an interesting text; I ´m looking forward to your worksheet.
Here is what I would change...

She was curious what is her neighbour doing she she went looking after him.
She was curious what her neighbour was doing, so she she went to look for him.

asked Sandra to stay for the dinner
asked Sandra to stay for dinner

she told him what happened in her garden
she  told him what had happened in her garden


Best wishes
Petra



14 May 2010     



atsanti85
Canada

Hi Michaela,


Great story!  Is it true?  Here are some suggested changes... 


One day last summer, Sandra was listening to the radio. Suddenly she heard a noise and looked out the window. She saw her neighbour ´s dog, Barker. He was chasing her cat, Twinkle. They were running around in the garden, throwing earth and plants all over the place. Sandra stood up and started shouting at them but they didn ´t stop. So she ran into the garden. She managed to catch Barker and carried him back to her neighbour but she couldn ´t see him anywhere.

She was curious to see what her neighbour was doing so she went to look for him. She found him in the kitchen. He was cooking chicken curry and asked Sandra to stay for dinner. While he was setting the table, she told him what happened in her garden. He was really sorry and promised to put everything in order. Soon, dinner was ready and they sat at the table. They talked about their lives, childhoods, and found out they had a lot of things in common.

The next day, Patrick (that was the name of Sandra ´s neighbour) came around and started working in her garden. While he was working she prepared some snacks. They became really close friends and they are going to get married next week.

14 May 2010     



priorita
Ukraine

and there are two "she" - so she she went to look for him.
They are quite quick in your story Wink

14 May 2010     



eng789
Israel

I sent you a PM with some really minor corrections.

14 May 2010     



MJ_Misa
Czech Republic

Thank you  all for your quick answers. Sorry for the typos - I want to finish my OE tonight so I typed it in a hurry. Embarrassed
You are great (and really, really fast).
Wish you a lovely weekend, Michaela

@atsanti: No, it isn´t a true story. But I am a real dreamer.Wink

14 May 2010     



licatri
Chile

I have a couple of things to change, too (hope you don ´t mind)

One day last summer, Sandra was listening to the radio. Suddenly she heard a noise and looked out the window. She saw her neighbour ´s dog, Barker. He was chasing her cat, Twinkle. They were running around in the garden, throwing ground (earth is the planet) and plants all over the place. Sandra stood up and started shouting at them but they didn ´t stop. So she ran into the garden. She managed to catch Barker and carried him back to her neighbour but she couldn ´t see him anywhere.

She was curious to see what her neighbour was doing so she went to look for him. She found him in the kitchen. He was cooking chicken curry and asked Sandra to stay for dinner. While he was setting the table, she told him what had happened in her garden. He was really sorry and promised to put everything in order. Soon, dinner was ready and they sat at the table. They talked about their lives, childhood, and found out they had a lot of things in common.

The next day, Patrick (that was the name of Sandra ´s neighbour) came around and started working in her garden. While he was working she prepared some snacks. They became really close friends and they are going to get married next week.

14 May 2010     



anabelacdn
Portugal

One error that must be changed is: throwing ground.  This doesn ´t make sense.   I think what you are trying to say is "dirt" or "soil" (terra /tierra).    I would change it to "throwing dirt and plants".

I would also say "she prepared a snack" instead of "snacks"
 
 
P.S. I like your story!  Keep it up!

14 May 2010     



teresapr
Portugal

A personal suggestion!Hope it may be useful!

One day last summer, Sandra was listening to the radio. Suddenly she heard a  noise and looked out of the window. She saw her neighbour ´s dog Barker. It was chasing her cat, Twinkle. They were running around the garden, throwing rubbish and plants all over the place. Sandra stood up and started shouting at them but they didn ´t stop. So she ran into the garden. She managed to catch Barker and carried it  to her neighbour ´s house but she couldn ´t see him anywhere.

As she was curious about what  her neighbour was doing, she started looking after him. She found him in the kitchen. He was cooking chicken curry and asked Sandra to stay for the dinner. While he was setting the table, she told him what had happened in her garden. He was really sorry and promised her to solve everything. As dinner was ready,they sat at the table. They started  talking about their lives, childhood, and found out they had a lot of things in common.

The next day Patrick (that was  Sandra ´s neighbour real name) came around and started working in her garden. While he was working, she prepared a snack. As time went by,they became really close friends!

Surprise:they are going to get married next week!

14 May 2010     



almaz
United Kingdom

Atsanti ´s version is more or less spot on. 

Licatri, ´earth ´ is perfectly acceptable for ´soil ´/ ´dirt ´ etc (Earth is the planet).

 I would also suggest, with all  due respect, Michaela, that you shouldn´t admit to typing ´in a hurry ´ and then expect people to check your mistakes. If you´ve got time to write on the forum, you´ve got time, at least, to attempt to edit your own work.

15 May 2010     



aliciapc
Uruguay

You ´ve had enough help already Michaela, no need for mine ! But ... sorry to tell you this, almaz, what you ´ve written sounds so rude to me! Michaela keeps helping people in the forum VERY often, so if for once it ´s the other way round and she needs or simply would like some help, she ´s entitled to it !! Besides, she has had many answers, which shows that most people don ´t mind correcting what she typed, they are happy to be of help - good for them ...

15 May 2010     

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